Late-ish post.

 

Each person deals with their own level of adversity and fear. To some that fear is minuscule and to others it feels like a mountain. So last night I could not sleep. Maybe it is tomorrows full moon energies or maybe I was just hungry but all I could think about was eggs, bacon and ham. I woke up hungry and my body was ravenous for this protein. So what would any normal person do? Go downstairs to the kitchen and just make it right? WRONG. I am not that normal person. As all my athletic friends who know Me I have a huge appetite, I love food, I can put away 5000 calories in one sitting without much difficulty, yet here is the thing I DONOT KNOW HOW TO COOK.

 

My whole life I have been dependent upon someone else to provide me my meals. As a kid, it was my mom, then later my wife and of course take out or dining in to restaurants. Unlike my all my male friends who know how to prepare meals, I do not know how to do any of that. I have bought numerous cookery books in the past, in fact I have a library of them. I seem to have no idea what the words mean. I am culinarily illiterate.

 

Perhaps it is my cultural upbringing, but my father and I were not involved in the kitchen meal prep duties our whole lives. He never learned as a kid or as an adult and neither did I. It was the “moms” domain. Culturally antiquated for sure but this is the reality. So this translated into a complete fear of the kitchen and meal preparations. I am not scared of the fire, or the stove or any appliance. In fact I can microwave really well. I do not understand the preparation process. Funny for being a chemistry major who did very well in making potions, chemistry experiments and never blew up the lab.

 

So I got down the stairs and took a deep breath. I was going to conquer my fear. It had to get done. I had more fear with this task than I did taking any examinations in medical school, or opening a patient up to do a cardiac procedure or even doing my Ironman endurance races. That should tell you something about my level of anxiety. I googled a task list for eggs over easy. It was like 3 steps. But each step felt like a 100. I pushed past my trembling hands and made my eggs, with added chopped onions, ham and I even fried some bacon. Toasted the bread, peppered, salted and seasoned the meal. I was so nervous I just started throwing “everything bagel” seasonings, paprika, chilly flakes etc. Anything within a shaking arms reach. Flipped the eggs and voila.

 

My son who thank fully has not taken after the male members of our family and loves cooking like an art, sniffed the food and came running down. Aghast “ What is dad doing in the kitchen ? !!”

 

My diaphoretic forehead was wiped and I sat down to enjoy my, yes MY breakfast that “I” had made. It was not that bad. It calmed the nerves and the pangs of the stomach. I thought about what had just transpired. I had overcome a fear. I pushed through the perceived adversity, thought through the problem, figured out how to solve it and get an outcome. And it was a good one. And i did not die in the process. Fear for the most part is usually a faulty perception. The hardest part is recognizing that it can be overcome, and the second hardest part is just mustering the energy to learn the new skill and moving forward.

 

This translates to anything in life. Life itself can be terrifying as is the case to us all when we are tiny little babies. But we adapt. It is the fear that leads us to the next task that is needed for us to grow.

 

I am a little excited ( and fearful) to see what is next. I am not planning on competing on Gordon Ramsey chef shows. I just want to be able to have the independence to do something hard. Cooking is a new skill for me to learn. Yet I was less afraid to learn how to fly a plane or learn to ride a motorcycle than learn to cook. maybe there is something deeper for me to clear up but while I do that, I think I would like to try to make a dinner. Now I have no intention of taking over the household kitchen ( the ladies of our house and my son do an amazing spread), but I would like to learn. It is the desire to learn, that makes it fun, and it is that spirit of fun that gets us over the hump of fear.

 

PS I burnt the entire pan. My wife calmly informed me that hot water, salt and white vinegar cleans up the pan. It did.

 

………….

 

I love you