A layered post.

 

Separation is hard, but the struggle is later. When we try to learn to live and not suffocate in the life that exists without those whose presence we miss. The torment of old memories that filter in unexpectedly throughout the day. The past that may have felt safe and familiar but now the weighted realization and the reality that settles in, that the past that pulls us back is not the life that will keep us secure but continue to drown us as that life no longer includes us. Time shifts forward relentlessly and we can no longer live as a memory or as a passing thought. The pain of revisitation of the past, no longer serves or soothes and so in the boiling cauldron of loss we are invited to explore the unhealed heart.

 

It is the illusion of permanence that we are scared to face and this is where the journey of suffering begins, as we find ourselves in endless loops of pain. To go deeper is key to understanding this Pandora’s box. It is the old version of ourselves that we miss that keeps the wounds of our heart open. It is not that the heart is closed but blocked by memory of who we once were and the attachment to the life that we lived with the versions of those that are no longer there in the present. Healing begins when we honestly face the truth of what hurts, and the strength returns. Slowly. It begins when we let go of the identity and identities of who we tolerated as ourselves.

 

To go deeper still requires the peeling of another facet of a stage of our younger selves. The inner child who faced separation on many an occasion while learning to fight perceived battles in school, at home, while out and about in life trying to survive in situations requiring the armoring of the heart. Slowly the numbness sets in to close the heart. We created behaviors to push people away to stay safe because an open heart felt too vulnerable. We did not want to feel separate or be alone, yet by being alone we chose not to feel what it meant to be alone. Ironically it is that very push to keep safe that makes alone and forces us to feel what being alone felt like. The mind and the heart play these seemingly senseless paradoxical games. It is the way life makes us understand the lesson we are choosing to learn, by giving us the opposite.

 

But to go deeper still beyond the inner child lies a layer that was unforeseen. At the level of the new born. Separate into this world, torn from our womb of safety and security and to feel with our senses bright lights, loud noises, noxious smells, gravity, crushing like textures of swaddles and touch. Our nervous system tastes overdrive for the first time and what separation truly feels like.

 

The final layer of depth is the separation from divinity. A spark of the same cloth cut away into human form. This is the ultimate feeling of separation. Religion teaches us that we are to pray to God, creating an ever increasing distance between us and our natural Source, that from whose garment we are but a thread. From our arrival to this 3rd rock from the sun we are separate in mind. We are individual, personas of free will, lost in the sandbox of creation. This separation begins our pursuit to soothe the journey of suffering. Separation feels like being unloved, and so is the nature of our pain. Unloved. Why did the garment spit out a thread we cry out.

 

Yet all is not lost for when the mind is quietened and the heart grows stronger in its healing. The wounds repair and the wisdom is found. We have never been separate. We are never alone. The quantum field, Source, God, Universe exists all around us. WE are alive. And if that were the case and we can feel it in the present, un-numb, then we know that we are supported because we live. Air, food, water, light, a beating heart in a body that grows, all validity that we are supported by a universe that created us and so we are safe, secure and inherently loved by a grateful infinity. This awareness is our reminder that we are not separate. And the cycle of understanding with enlightenment and the embodiment of truth begineth once more.

 

We have done this for eons. Life, separation, death, reunite with Source, endless times, and in each lifetime forgotten who we are. It is in this remembrance of who we truly are, that these emotions are kept at bay.

 

You and I are never alone and are always loved. Blessings on your journey home.

 

…………….

 

I love you