I had this 83 year old gentleman who came to see me in the office yesterday. We had a nice chat but he had been quite depressed with the demise of his wife of 56 years of marriage passing recently. I helped him work through these feelings beyond being just his cardiologist, he was getting better, till now when tragedy struck. In the last month he lost 3 of his best friends who he had known for over 60 years. The loss was unbearable. He was too worried about his own funeral and his next phase. I realized that no matter how much positivity or consoling I attempted it would not be enough, his therapist was also equally unsuccessful. So I took a different approach.
“ Sir I have a few ideas for your funeral”. I said looking him square in the eyes, with a cheeky smile but (dead) serious.
I got his attention. He was a little shocked that that is where we were going with this conversation. I had to play his mind’s bluff.
“ So firstly I would suggest you hire that service where a beautiful woman/model, dressed in an all black sexy outfit wearing dark glasses and tissue in one hand and a black Lacey umbrella in the other come to the funeral and stand in the corner apart from everyone and pretend to tear and cry mourning it your loss. After the service, while the whole lot of the family and friends are whispering “ who is she? And how did he know her?”, she just slips away leaving everyone in perplexed wonder “ who really was our grandpa?”
His jaw dropped a little.
“ Next idea, have a recording of your voice on tape in a handheld recorder and instruct it to be placed and turned on inside the casket as you are being lowered into the plot. Your voice will say things loudly like ‘Get me out of here ! What are you people doing ! I am not dead ! Knock knock who’s there? ME I am still alive.’ This will bring loads of laughter to your family and less stress”
I could him starting to smile again.
“ Lastly, here is one that I want done if I am cremated. I have instructed my kids to load up ‘magic flames’ packets in my pockets before my body goes on to the flaming pyre. The fire will turn red to pink, green, blue, purples and everyone will be stunned with the light show and perhaps wonder ‘ was dr bhatnagar actually a wizard?’ “
To this he started laughing hysterically. “ Doc you made my day, I came in here sad and I am leaving happy. You are a naughty one. I am so glad you are my cardiologist. My heart feels lighter. I needed that laugh, thank you. I enjoy coming to see you, you always help me in some way.”
We both stood up, hugged and I escorted him out. “ Let me know which idea you want to work on at the next visit “ I said waving to him.
We cannot save everyone. Nor are we meant to. We cannot. Each person needs to save and help themselves. But we can hold space for them and bring a little light and laughter into their lives.
Sometimes when I am all out of medical tools, I find that laughter is the best medicine. So is love, but that is another story for another time and place.
…………..
I love you
